Ai Ohashi

[FULL TEXT]

My father died of cancer four years ago. He was violent towards me, my mother, and sisters. Ever since then, his house hold altar has remained in my house. For my mother cares dearly for this just as if it were my father while he was still alive. But for me this altar seems to have strong and strange presence in my house. This presence seems oppressive and the outline of my being is crumbling. It makes me feel as though I am breaking up into little pieces. In a way it is a presence that reaches out and connects me with my deceased father. But no matter how far it reaches out, it cannot change the fact that my father has died. So, I wander what exactly is this thing for me? It is in order to find an answer to this question that I am exhibiting it here.

But there are some things that are lacking from my exhibition. I could not exhibit two parts of house hold altar. These were the “Oihai” and the statue of the Buddha. My mother said that “these are really important things in the house hold altar, and are not for show.” and was against me displaying them. The “Oihai” is where the soul of my father resides. I also could not exhibit offerings on the altar. These were the rice, the Japanese tea, the sweets and the flowers. Because they can decay and could make the museum dirty.

 

【テキスト全文】

四年前に家庭内暴力だった父が癌で死んだ。 以来私の家には父の仏壇があり、母はこれをまるで生前の父のようにとても大切にしている。私にはこの仏壇は家の中でなにか異質な存在感を放っているように見える。 まるでそれが私を抑圧し、心の輪郭が崩れて、自分がばらばらになっていくような感じがする。 またこれは私にとって死んだ父との関係を繋ぎとめている存在ともいえるが、 いくら繋ぎとめようとも父が死んだことは変わらない。 そうするとこれは私にとって一体どのような存在なんだろうと思う。 それを知るために父の仏壇を展示することにした。また、本展では仏壇の中のお位牌と大日如来像は「とても大事なものであって見せ物ではない」 という母の意向で展示できず、御仏飯のお米の部分と茶湯器の麦茶、高杯にお供えされた お菓子の部分、生花は腐敗し美術館を汚す可能性があるため展示ができませんでした。